If you knew your friend’s husband was having an affair? Who would you tell? Why (aka how I justify this to myself)?
Maybe you wouldn’t say anything at all. Perhaps it’s easier to stick your fingers in your ears and just pretend it will go away. I think that’s a perfectly understandable response when your friend’s future and happiness is at stake. Maybe your decision will be clouded by the length of time, or the intensity of the affair. Or whether you think your friend is oblivious – or aware of it.
What if your female friend began an affair with a guy you know is married?
And then what if that female friend continued that affair for years, while the married guy had a child with his wife, etc?
And then… what if your female friend had a baby to this guy as well… and the guy’s wife is oblivious to it all (or maybe she isn’t – you don’t really know)? And your friend says it’s all fine because she’s going to raise the child as a single mother anyway. She has no intention of ever breaking her ‘relationship’ off.
Do you say something? How do your personal experience, beliefs and values impact on your decision when you’re challenged by the friend factor?
Sometimes we like to think that this is something we’d only ever come across in Dear Abby or some Postsecret postcard because we just don’t know women who would do such a thing. Women who are so incredibly (almost unbelievably) selfish that the feelings and entire future of others just don’t play into their decisions.
Women who do this kind of thing are literally murdering the solidarity of women everywhere. I am no longer friends with a woman who is doing this. Because I cut the tie, and I’m glad I did. Not because it makes me feel noble (I am far from that), but because I’m saving all concerned in this – including myself. I’m the one who would pick up the phone and make this house of cards come down. I would dob it all in, and I would hate doing it. Something tells me it’s the right thing to do.
But I’m not sure it really is. Does calling it out make the situation better? So I just ran. Closed it (and more importantly, the woman friend concerned) out, so that it no longer confronted me. But you know what? It kind of still does confront me because this reeks of the disregard women have for each other and I am affected by that just the same way everyone else is.
Was this the ‘easy escape’ or was it drawing a line in the sand? Both? Neither? You choose.
What would you do if you discovered a good friend of yours was doing this?