This is not what healthy feels like – yet

It was my birthday this week. A time for reflection, setting goals, and eating cake. Well, maybe a little less cake.

I’ve decided it’s time.

I don’t feel good. I’m uncomfortable. I’ve become cautious with how I sit, walk and stand because I don’t want to stand out. I want people to listen to what I have to say instead of what I look like. (How’s that for irony?)

Make no mistake – I am beautiful. Beauty doesn’t depend upon size. I know that. You know that. This is not an opportunity to open a debate on what society calls beautiful (whatever that is deemed to be). The last thing I’d want is to look like a stick figure. I have curves. I’m all woman. I never want to lose that, and nobody’s suggesting I should.

At the moment though, these curves are so dangerous I could knock over small children in my path if I turned around. They’re so curvy that I am nervous nobody will sit next to me on the bus, because I take up too much space – so I squeeze myself into the corner, to leave enough space on the seat (but you know, totally casually) that it’s very close to laying out a welcome mat to sit next to me. I feel relieved when someone takes that seat next to me. I know, weird right? Yep, that’s an insecurity I can live without.

This summer I want to enjoy riding my bike along the trails and photographing the wildflowers – without thinking twice about the exertion of riding my bike. I want to hike up to Lake Isabel without a second thought.

I want to sleep better, and feel more awake in the mornings.

I want to have more energy, and I want to stop eating to deal with stress. I fear the days of sitting down to write a paper are very closely becoming about also opening a pack of chips. That’s really unhealthy.

I want to remember what it’s like to stand outside, feel amazing and just enjoy breathing the fantastic mountain air.

I want to vlog without worrying about how I look. (Yeah, I get that’s *my* issue, if you’re judging. And maybe I’ll always worry about how I look. But at the moment it might have actually stopped me from vlogging at all, and that’s really not what I stand for – everyone and anyone should create media. All the time. So I’m starting NOW. When I’m not comfortable about it.)

I’m not doing this alone

All this is more than a change in mind set. It’s a change all over. I’m really proud and glad to announce that I’m going to be working with Nutrisystem as a Nutrisystem Nation Blogger. For the next four months Nutrisystem is taking a chance, holding my hand, my heart, and my confidence as we face the challenge of getting me in shape. I’m going to be sharing the journey here on my blog every week, and I’m kicking off my video blogging expertise (ahem) by inviting you in too.

I have Nutrisystem’s support and also I have your support, right?

If you’re feeling like you could be in better shape, you can follow me, and the other Nutrisystem Nation Bloggers on twitter – we’re using the hashtag #NSNation. We’re all at different stages, different situations – but we’re all mums with busy lives.

I know you’re going to cheer me on, aren’t you? Yeah… totally knew it. 🙂

Happy birthday. To me. xx

Disclosure: Nutrisystem is supplying my food and dietary support for four months in return for my honest reflections on the program.

Do you live in the US or Canada, and want to join me and get healthy on Nutrisystem? Join today by calling 1-888-853-4689 or by visiting http://www.nutrisystem.com/nsblog


7 comments

  • Go you!!! I feel the same way, and I know that at my age it’s only going to get harder to lose the weight. I took off my big girl pants and got on the scale this morning. It wasn’t pretty. (I’m heavier than I was the day I delivered each of my children.) We can do this!

  • Thanks Kim. I agree – at this age the weight goes on so easily, and doesn’t freaking well budge. I bought scales too. This is the heaviest I’ve ever been. Heavier than my husband. It’s insane. And my work is not going to change for the next few years, so I need to do something about it. NOW. And yes, we can and will do this! xxxx

  • Thanks Casey. How cool it is to have you cheering for me! Loving the support I’m getting, from every part of my life. xx

  • Welcome to the Nutrisystem Family!! We are so excited to join you on your journey and we’re always here for you 🙂 hugs Meredith

  • You’re my hero! 🙂

    Seriously, yay to you for making a commitment to yourself. Find the bliss and own it! Hugs…

  • way to go Jo! but consider getting on that bike every day, on the way to school and back… it doesn’t take much more time than the bus and it’s a great way to get in some quick exercise…

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