Living in a small town means knowing how to work the liquor stores

So with Halloween upon us (well, it’s October), it became apparent that yet again the dry weather in Boulder had evaporated some of the wine in the fridge. Ahem.

But I’ve been concerned about replenishing my bottle of white. I always go to the same store, and the people in there recognise me. I was kind of flattered because the same guy kept carding me, and you know what that’s all about… that’s totally flirting. So I’d happily flash my ID until one day about a month ago when he said: “I’m not carding you – I remember you!” And I said “Oh, I thought you were just being nice. It feels good to be carded.” And he was totally “No, it’s just the rules. We have to do it.”

I really think that any store manager that makes their staff flirt with customers because it’s the rules really needs serious help.

And I was kind of let down.

So when I ran out of wine last week, I didn’t want to go to that same liquor store, and see that same guy again… because you know, he will now think I’m totally an alcoholic. And now I know he’s not flirting with me, it takes some of the fun out of it. I told Jed that I was going to drive down to the other Liquor Store Fort Collins , twice the distance away because I didn’t want the guy in the local one to think I was an alcoholic. And this is why I’m married to Jed. He just went, “Okay.” (Apparently I have this kind of rationalising going on regularly.)

So I drove down and on the way I thought I would also get Jed the bottle of red wine he likes occasionally because he was all understanding and nice and everything. But when I went in, they didn’t have his bottle. And my one was a whole $1.50 more. And dammit, I don’t want to spend a whole $1.50 more unless I’m able to get it all in one trip. So I was walking out but then I saw that they had Mommy’s Time Out pino grigio, which was all of $7, and fantastic. So I got that. But that didn’t fix everything – I still needed Jed’s wine which he wasn’t expecting, but which I’d already decided to get him.

So then I went to another liquor store that was a little bit further away. They had absolutely none of the two wines I was after… but they did have a flagon of some dodgy looking white that totally could have had a label that said “made for Jo” because it was all of $6.50 for something that resembled a keg of white wine. So I got that. But that didn’t fix everything.

I still needed Jed’s red wine. So I sucked it up. I drove to the local liquor store. The one I was avoiding. To get Jed’s wine that he hadn’t even asked for, but that would prove what a good wife I am. I figured that it would be totally busy, there was no way that one guy would be working and I wouldn’t see him because I only needed to go to the red wine section at the front instead of going all the way into the store down the back where my wine was. And it wasn’t my usual purchase, so you know… no worries on the alcoholic thing.

So I dashed in and got Jed’s bottle. And went to the registers. And of course that guy was working, and out of four registers, I got served by him. And that’s why you need to really work the liquor stores if you live in a small town.

Because they’re really not flirting, and they might actually think you’re an alcoholic.


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  • HA! This sounds like something I would do!

    There is a very nice Asian man that owns the liquor store closest to us and he is always full of advice for me.

    For example when I told him that I cracked my iPhone screen he told me to go to Apple store, cry and show cleavage and they would give me new phone.

  • I love this story Jo! My recent liquor store drama has me thinking that everyone must think I’m an alcoholic for bringing my baby with me to buy wine. At 10am.

    I swear it was for cooking.

  • Hahah, didn’t save anything not even your pride. Probably cost you $1.50 in petrol to go to the another store. Next time go in looking all weird then they’ll start saying “here comes that crazy alcoholic from Australia AGAIN”!!!

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