Microwaves and other things you never sent back.

The king has fallen. Hard. The microwave he purchased last year is a dud. It’s a big, shiny, still scary (yet irritating) dud. The Panasonic Sensor microwave, which was supposed to be a steal, with good ratings from other purchasers is possibly one of the worst things we’ve bought on Amazon. (Not including the book I bought from a weirdo woman who sent me an empty envelope and explained that the book was very thin. Seriously.)

photo (9)No doubt Amazon would also reimburse me for this monster horrid microwave. But for something like this, it’s just so HARD to send it back. It’s enormous. I threw out the box and all the packaging. (Yeah, I know… that was dumb.) I have to contact Amazon, and get them to pick it up. It takes organizing. That’s cognitive load. I don’t have space for that. Truly. My brain is so cognitively overloaded right now, the other day I showered backwards and it threw my whole day into chaos. Yep, you know how that goes. Where you get in the shower, and suddenly part way through you think “oh, did I already wash my hair? Whoops.” And then you just don’t know what to wash next. Maybe it’s better to start again, but that takes too much hot water and you’ve got to get to work. So you just make sure all the ‘bits’ are done and off you go.

So anyway, this is only a problem when I want to use the microwave to prepare my extraordinarily bad dinners that nobody wants to eat. So really the microwave not working doesn’t make any difference to the family. Maybe they actually did this on purpose. It’s a conspiracy.

Anyway, the stupid microwave overheats. Fast. You can’t nuke anything for longer than two minutes without it buzzing and just switching off – just like Forest used to do when we were hiking and he was three. He’d just quietly stop and sit down in the middle of the trail. That’s this microwave.

Max came up with a brilliant idea – put ice packs on the top of the microwave. It buys another 30 seconds or so. We’re even putting them on the inside of the microwave between bursts, to try and keep it calm. I feel like we’re always at Defcon 9 or whatever, trying to keep the microwave in working order. But ultimately, the whole thing is a terrible joke. On me. Because I now have to cook on the stove. Frozen vegetables in saucepans; boiling potatoes. What’s that all about? I have a microwave that takes up half the kitchen, and I’ve turned into someone from the 18th century, using a stovetop.


I am now coming up with ideas on what else to do with this microwave. I think it will make a nice pot plant holder. Just have to get the door off.

Jed constantly says “why don’t you just send it back?” like this is even possible given my shower thing, and worse, like it’s MY problem. He’s the one who said he was the King of Amazon. So I say he should send it back.


So I’m open to two things: Ideas about what I could do with this microwave given that it sucks as a microwave (and please, you guys can totally do that, I’m sure) OR I’d love to hear about the things you didn’t send back that you should have (especially something like a dodgy microwave, which is not really something you can gift to someone in good conscience). Cereal for dinner, anyone?



  • Okay, here’s what you do. Go buy a microwave locally you really can use, but make sure it is either the same size or bigger. Use that box to pack this one up and send it back. Tell them it is another box, but one you had that it would fit inside. I don’t think you want plants growing in that thing. It is a nuclear reactor. Somehow that takes the zen away from the plant life.

  • Such a great idea – Rajean, can you come over and do it for me? I’m just tooooooo tired….

  • Love Rajean’s idea! Then go buy your next microwave at Costco, you can always take it back 🙂

  • I see a beautiful white elephant gift in someone’s future! How about turning it into a fish tank? Remember seeing those fish tank TV’s. Today, everything is all about re-purposing so consider yourself a part of the IN crowd!

  • Here’s a thought. Go to brand’s website and find customer service number. Give them a call or send them an email and ask THEM what to do about getting a replacement and returning it. Who knows, they might have a great answer that will make it easy for you to return/exchange.

  • OMG! I literally chuckled all the way through this because it is SO me. I absolutely hate when I get in the shower and pour conditioner in my hair first, which happens at least 3 times a week and I am TOTALLY with you. I would never send it back either. I am that lazy.

  • Such a great idea Carole. Truly, Amazon’s return policy couldn’t be easier. all you do is use their online system. You don’t even have to talk to anyone (unless it’s a Kindle). They put the whole thing easy-as-anything online, and all you do is print out the label, stick it to the box and leave it on the front step of your house. And they send a replacement immediately. We do love Amazon. It’s not them, it’s me. This microwave is HUGE. Like my whining HUGE.
    Editing: because you don’t talk to the Kindle, you return it. I know it read like you talk to Kindles. Which you can, but it doesn’t get you far. A friend told me.

  • I wouldn’t have even thought about returning it. Then I would buy a new one and someone would mention that I could have returned it. I will kick myself for about five minutes and then realize that I probably wouldn’t have returned it anyway if I had to ship it back.

  • My mom recently bought a vacuum that broke after one use. She made my dad fix the old one and put the brand new one in the spare bedroom where it will likely be stored for the next 10 years.

    As for me? I never bother actually returning things, though I always have the best of intentions…

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