Changes

God laughs at the plans we make. The calendars we fill. The intentions we solidify enough to actually write down.

This week marked 7 years since we landed in America, ready to begin our adventures in Colorado. When we arrived, the boys were 8 and 10 years old. Charles is now 15. He’s lived here nearly half his life (legally – because I know that’s important to some). Yet still, he would be illegally present in May 2016 if I don’t change my visa status. So would I. So would Forest.

It’s crunch time, I’m doing all I can to make the visa change happen. And now we’re going for a big one – one that will lead to us getting beyond the constant threat of coloring outside the lines and unintentionally raising the ire of the USCIS. We’re paying a lawyer $10K to mix up how to spell my name and all, because they know the process and this crap is all about the process. It’s not about what’s right.

Very few things in life are about what’s right. So, back to the point.

It seems everyone here is starting a new adventure right now. Some started doing new things, like playing video games with EloBoosting services.

I’ve graduated (at last, and for the last time) and kicked off an amazing new job. Max decided, after finishing freshman year at CU, the opportunities for him and his immediate future were better in Australia, and he returned there on a one-way ticket. Forest started this school year as a high school senior. He’s considering a gap year in Australia on completion, or college here, or who knows. Because that’s what kids in international families do, they consider options beyond borders of geography, because they’ve lived that way for a long time. And then Charles. My baby. Who is 15 and way too big to be called a baby because he towers over me, began his freshman year at high school – year 9 – this week. His new glasses arrived, and he had his top row of braces fitted on his teeth on Monday and finally they’re not hurting every day. (Yes, I was the manic mother in the orthodontist office, asking for the wifi password and clunking away for hours while he had his appointment.)

Even the dog has decided she doesn’t want to hike the trails without additional people than just she and me. People don’t need me like they did. Even the dog doesn’t.

It feels like everything is changing.

We’re finding new feet.

I have an empty bedroom. Maybe it will be my new home office, or entertainment room, or … I don’t know because I have to go in there and clean it out and it’s full of Max’s stuff still so I have to clean that out and I just can’t do that right now because I’m busy and I have excuses. Lots of them. And I can’t complain because he’s happy and alive, and on his own path, and how lucky we are because it’s what he wanted to do, so that’s what it is.

Nothing is changing for the worse! We are so very blessed! Insert positive stuff here.

And so this week, I will keep working harder than is necessary, but hard enough to make me happy (and that’s the thing – it’s what I want to do), and wear me out, and I know it’s appreciated and nobody else can do what I do, so I’m valued. And maybe Max will message me to tell me how he’s doing and maybe he won’t because he’s 21 and heck, he doesn’t need to check in every day. But he could. But … he’s 21. So there’s that and he’s doing his thing and so…

Letting go.

One comment

  • You’re amazing, Jo! In every sense of the word!

    Humans are silly things. We think that things don’t change, that even mountains and glaciers are immovable, but the irony is that everything changes, all the time. We like it when things stay the same because of comfort, familiarity, safety, or attachment.

    In the wake of all the changes, simply appreciate the NOW moment, because once it’s gone, it’s gone … but then Life will present you with something else more beautiful than you could have imagined!

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