An American woman named Angie Jackson has decided it was a good idea to share her experience of aborting her pregnancy with the world, via YouTube and Twitter.

A mother of a four-year-old who goes to the trouble of outlining the reasons why she decided on an abortion with RU486, Angie says her social media posts are her attempt to “demistify” the process, and let everyone know that for her, the whole abortion thing “isn’t such a big deal.”

Here’s the video of her saying she is “having an abortion  (insert dramatic pause) right now.” (Don’t worry, there are no gunky parts, which is not what the Sydney Morning Herald would have you believe in its reporting of the story, with the warning the paper placed at the beginning of the video.)

She also twittered the entire process. You can see the community response by searching the hashtag #livetweetingabortion. And there is even a twibbon. Yes, just when you thought all the really terrible twibbon ideas were had, this one leaves nothing to the imagination.

This is a story with so many news hooks in it, a news editor would begin planning a long lunch. Front page … done. Abortion, methods of abortion, social media, social media plus abortion. Oh, and atheism. Check the mainstream media stories on this, and you’ll see it all – surface level crapola about all the obvious news angles, lots of sensationalist eye rolling and no depth.

Look at the blogosphere reactions and you see some insightful commentary. Feministe, for example, reminds us how many women go to get abortions all the time, and how veiled our usual discussions of the subject are.

Deep breath.

Now, I personally switch between being pro-life and pro-choice (knowing that my choice will always be pro-life, no matter what, for me, but recognizing others may not feel that way. I actually have trouble with this whole stance – if I feel so strongly about it, then why am I not ready to instill my thoughts on others? I do it with breastfeeding, don’t I? And for some this means I can’t be a feminist. Feminists are not Sarah Palin. Feminists are not pro-life. People look at me and don’t think feminist. Oh really raised eyebrow? But I digress.) This is not something I throw around a lot, because as Feministe correctly states, it’s a heated debate that I don’t choose to enter. However, I have my views and I respect other people their rights to theirs. I am kind of okay with that, but I don’t know if I always will be. But for now, it’ll do. Until you judge me and be really nasty and call me names, and say horrible things about the size of my arse. Then you’ll push me over the edge and I won’t share my Aussie accent with you any more. And we all know who loses in that equation.

While I disagree with Angie’s views on the subject, I think her decision to speak about it in a very open conversation is a great one. (It’s okay. I’ll wait while you pick yourself up off the floor from shock.) I believe everyone should endeavour to hear every side of a conversation, especially views that don’t mesh with their own. Especially when you have a passionate belief on one side.

In fact, to take it even further – I wanted to hear what she had to say, even though I knew her decision would not have been mine. And I think other people should be brave enough to do that without a knee-jerk reaction (‘jerk’ being the operative word).

So instead of looking at the mainstream media stories reporting the incredulity of using social media to talk about such a politically incorrect subject, I think we can all learn more from reading and seeing personal stories about the subject, from all sides. Only then can we be truly educated and tolerant – if not understanding – of each other. Each to their own.

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Shhh.

Don’t talk about it. It’s not polite.

But make sure you know what you think about it. And be prepared to fight for it, even if you are really not talking about it because it’s not polite.

Try not to judge people for their views (that they’re not talking about because they’re too polite), but whisper about their views and about them… and judge them privately in your own sphere, even though it’s kind of impolite. It’s okay, because it’s a moral thing.

Forget religion and politics. For women, breastfeeding and abortion are the topics that align, define and alienate us. They have become moral panics. They are black and white… and conditional.

“She got raped. She’s not married. She’s too poor. She hasn’t got a good supply. She needs to go back to work. She’s happily married. She’s a stay at home mom. She should be “better educated.” The baby would have been healthy. She’s selfish. She’s sacrificing herself. There’s really no excuse. She doesn’t need an excuse.”

Photo credit: Flickr creative commons, Nationaal Archief

You’re a nazi if you breastfeed. You’re a babykiller if you have an abortion. If you formula feed you’re stupid. If you are pro-life you take away women’s control of their bodies.

No wonder the arguments are so passionate. It’s confusing.

Worse, you can’t be a feminist if you do anything that could be considered by either side as “anti-female.” Boobs out or boobs in. Womb used or unused. Feminists are so divided that no matter what, by some reckoning you’re out of the “club.”

The reason why feminism has fallen apart is because women have become judgmental of each other. We are fragmented. We are fighting.

I fear that because of the ferocity of second wave feminism as well as the 30-year-old Susan Faludi Backlash folklore, we don’t want to understand each other. We are fearful our views and will be harshly judged by the very same women we desperately want to be connected to.

We don’t like to talk about it because it’s impolite. And when we do, we tear each other apart instead of trying to really understand the other point of view. We know we won’t agree. But now we won’t listen either. There is no “live and let live” because it’s become a moral panic.

Second wave feminism believed the bottle and formula were key to being released from the home and getting into the boardroom. Over time, the practice of breastfeeding is being reclaimed as a powerful feministic province. Today, feminism and breastfeeding are aligned. But the stigma and bruises of the battle are still tender.

I’m hearing that you can’t be pro-life and be a feminist. To many, pro-life is equal to anti-woman. I think it’s a shame.

Photo credit: Flickr creative commons, State Library of Qld.

Feminism has achieved so much, but we have lost a lot along the way. The battles of feminism and those of abortion and breastfeeding are tainted with women trying to validate and define their own identities and worth. In the 21st Century, can we not find some level ground of respect? Wouldn’t treating other women with respect, who hold opposite viewpoints, demonstrate an accomplishment for feminism?

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