Mediamum » kids

Just us Talking: When should kids get to decide for themselves?

mediamum — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 23:24:01 +0000

None of us like to say we live our own lives through our children. We recognise that their lives are their own – not a do-over for ourselves. But what do you do when you see your kids be offered an opportunity that you think is fantastic, but that they want to turn down? What if that opportunity is a really big deal? Can you stand back and let them allow it to pass them by?

It starts early. Sport teams, friendships, perhaps even student council or volunteer stuff… little things. You might want your child to get involved, but they’re reluctant. Some people might nudge their child’s choices in the ‘right’ direction with negotiation or even bribery (oh come on, we’ve all totally done that). Others allow children to have the final say, and then are criticised for allowing their kids to do whatever they feel like.

For example, one of my sons had an opportunity to become part of an organised sporting team. He didn’t want to commit to the formality of it all even though he liked to just hang out with the team while they were training in our local park behind our house and he was always invited to play along too. He liked the relaxed, fun part. He didn’t feel the need for membership, didn’t want the shirt, and honestly, without a car of our own and travel/work schedules, I didn’t need the responsibility of it all. One parent of another child in the team said how “disappointing it was” that my son didn’t get more involved in the team (read: you’re being a bad parent for not getting your child to do this). Over and over again. Sigh, walk away.

That’s just the beginning. Kids grow up. They make bigger choices. Classes, part-time jobs, internships all enter the picture, along with social choices. It actually never gets easier. The kids get bigger, but so do the choices. It’s never easy to just let them make all their decisions.

When do you start giving your kids control over what they choose to do? Perhaps you let them decide, but you bend their ear relentlessly about whether their choice is the ‘right’ one or not. (Pause right here… sorry Bec. I should have been quiet more often. I’ve learned that. A bit.) During the teen years perhaps the parenting becomes more about your ability to nag than the ability to physically have influence and limitations on the choices your kids make. Perhaps we overcompensate with our opinions because our children get to the point where they have the same rights in society that we do?

When do we step back and let them make their choices, just as we make ours, and allow them to see what happens? Perhaps we never really do. My own mum sent me an email at the start of the summer, letting me know that she thinks the kids need a haircut. (She’s right, but they didn’t want one really and as long as it’s clean, I don’t care that much.) I’m 42. I hope she never truly steps back – it made me feel great that she told me what she thought. Then in June I was making Max’s birthday cake. I sent her a picture of the tin I was using. She emailed quickly back, “Don’t forget to grease the pan well, and let it cool for 10 minutes so it doesn’t stick…” Yep, she’s parenting me still from thousands of miles away. I don’t actually have a problem with that at all.

I’m old enough now that I can do whatever I like, and not need my parents’ approval – but I would still prefer it. And I’m glad to have kids that are all over 10 years of age, who are becoming solidly independent individuals. Sure, the kids have their own decisions to make that I’d do differently. But they’re not me, and their choices are not life-threatening unless I let my mind run wild with highly unlikely circumstances which would make them so. For example, I’d prefer one of my sons not play football, but he wants to. I could decide he’s likely to end up with a neck injury because you know, that’s happened to people in the past, so I’d like to discourage him… but I’ve allowed him to drive a scooter in a car park (he crashed), so really they should take the whole parenting licence thing away.

Finally, my 11 year old, Charlie, has caught two buses on his own home from school for over a year – the link stop is outside the supermarket, so of course it didn’t take long for him to decide to go in there for a soda on occasion – he even got his own store loyalty card at the service desk so he gets the discounts! And at Christmas he gave the $20 bill he had in his wallet to a homeless guy on that same corner. It was his choice. And while for us, $20 is a lot of money, for the homeless guy I’d guess it was even more. Charlie’s decision to give his money away would not have been mine. But I’m glad he decided to do it. Because sometimes the decisions the kids make remind me they really know better than me, and they should totally have the freedom to embrace those decisions – and teach me too.

Things I don’t need to hear from my family

mediamum — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 13:47:43 +0000

Conversations with my family are wonderful. I love the little chats had with the kids and the husband in passing as we all go about our daily business. Sometimes, though, the sentences that spill from the lips of the wonderful people who live in this house should never have been shared. I wish they never spake them (ooh, I said spake). Here are some examples:

1. “Mum, I can aim this gun really good, even without the scope!” (Images of the scene in Parenthood where Steve Martin is congratulating his son for his aim from the belltower flash before my eyes.)

2. “Next door had to get the pest guy. They think they have a rat.” (I do NOT want to know about this. Where do you think the rat will move next?)

3. “What did you do with my passport?” (Um, what? I don’t know what bothers me most – You losing your passport, or the fact you’re going to try pinning it on me? )

4. “I transferred $500 from your account to cover a bill.” (The account only had $400 in it, and it needed to last two weeks. ‘Nuff said.)

5. “How did parent teacher night go?” (At 8pm when I was supposed to be at parent teacher night at 6pm, and forgot all about it. I would rather have had the reminder at 5pm than the callout afterwards.)

Our dog ate my phone. And nobody stopped her.

6. “The dog has your phone.” (Really? You’re telling me this instead of grabbing the phone off her? Do you think the dog somehow should have my phone and you’re just checking in? The special part is the follow-up of “Why did you let the dog have your phone?” as if it was something I did on purpose.)

And the clincher:

7. “I don’t have any socks.” (This cloaked thing brings up numerous reactions in me. Depending upon my mood, the response will be “Who died and made that my problem?” “You have plenty of socks. Lying all over your room.” “If you brought your laundry basket upstairs this would not be an issue.” If it’s followed by asking me to go down to the basement and get a pair for the person, then stabbiness may ensue.)

Yep, gotta love the people in your household. Just wish that sometimes they wouldn’t talk.

Television and kids? Let’s start with the news

mediamum — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 16:40:03 +0000

“It’s a horror movie right there on my tv.

And it’s shocking me right out of my brain.”

Horror movie… Skyhooks.

Charlie has decided he wants to watch the news on television.

This is a pretty big deal for us, because nobody else in the house watches television news at all. Ever. When I was young, Roger Climpson on Channel Seven was our standard 6pm news broadcast and I’d kind of watch it while arguing with my brother or getting ready for dinner. However, it was a routine. It turns out watching television news, for me, was all about passive loyalty. A habit rather than a conscious decision.

When we moved to the US, where I knew none of the channels or presenters, watching the news was something of a novelty. But it wore off quickly and for more than the last two years now, nobody in this place watches the news on tv.

The fact my 10 year old wants to watch the news would be applauded by many. Yet I’m concerned. He understands the difference between obvious fiction and obvious reality. To him, the news is obvious reality.

He does not yet have a solid grasp of the detail of geography, different political and cultural issues, and ‘reasons’ given for wars and conflict that are reflected and alluded to in news reporting.

He is, however, passionate about the environment, respecting others, and doing ‘what’s right’.

I can already see a lot of extended conversations arising from him watching the news, and more of a problem is that I simply don’t have final answers.

So last night we sat down together to watch. (There was no way I’d let him watch the news on his own – Family Guy, yes, but not the news. And I hate Family Guy – I banned it, but this was recently overturned by a mutiny. Anyway, that’s another story.) After 15 minutes or so he turned to me and said “Mum, there’s a lot of bad stuff that goes on in the world today isn’t there? Was there this much when you were a kid?”

It was a good question. It might seem like there was less bad stuff, but maybe I was just not sensitive to the amount of it because it was just noise. It was routine. It was in the background of everyday life.

In the paper today, tales of war and of waste. But you turn right over to the tv page – Neil Finn, Don’t Dream It’s Over

Before long the news was finished and another news program began. Incredibly, with exactly the same stories of the previous program, just told by different reporters. When one of them used a trite throw-away pun sentence to lead into a story, it became too much for me. I told Charlie we were turning it off, and he didn’t mind at all.

I wonder if he’ll want to watch it again. I wonder if the stories will be different. I wonder if it’s possible to teach a child of this age that the full story can’t possibly be covered in a one minute, thirty second story – even if you follow that thread in tv news for the entire length of the situation (eg a war). He wants more answers than that. He wants news that’s relevant to him, that he can comprehend, that educates him. All our children deserve it.

Wouldn’t it be great if the major news stations created a version of news for younger viewers instead of the same level of reporting all the time?

Pictures my kids ruined

mediamum — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 15:18:44 +0000

As a blogger, you need lots of good pics. Especially when using a theme that needs a really good one for the main feature (you don’t want a lack of a pic to be something that stops you posting).

I thought instead of just keeping all the pics I’ve rejected from intended posts, I’d actually make a post featuring those pics, so you can share the pain/humour.

Halloween 2008
This was our first Halloween in the US (ie our first real Halloween full stop). Jed was overseas, so it was just the boys and I. We caught the bus to Pearl Street, all dressed up and trick or treated. Harry was addicted to Chris Lilley’s (fantastic) We Can Be Heroes, featuring a character who flips the bird the whole time. He ruined the pictures. I found out after getting home and loading them. Double joy.
So, that was a post that didn’t get written. Harry even continued to do this through our first winter here. I think the effect was a little lost wearing ski gloves. But that didn’t stop him.

So then, like chickenpox a couple of years prior, this disgraceful habit spread to Charlie.

But thankfully, it didn’t last long. (ie I’d had enough and threw a barmy over this practice of ruining pictures.) So these days I get more decent, authentically ruined pictures to try and work with. They’re pictures you used to shove in a shoebox and ignore. They used to take up more than half a roll of film (and still do) but of course these days you don’t have to pay for them. And as a bonus, today I can make a little video featuring all of them, in their embarrassing glory. Thus, I bring you, the Family Fail.

Pew Report dispels the Digital Native myth

mediamum — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 17:18:01 +0000

While many people align technology adoption and use with age, the facts show it’s not all that easy to stereotype the creators of content in the online media.

Today’s Pew Report on Teens and Social Media amplifies a very real issue in the US. Our teens and young adults are engaging in “new” media, but on a very limited level.

The majority of them are not creating new content.

In fact, the number of them who blog themselves (just 14%) or even who comment on blogs, is dropping.

Many of us celebrate the new democracy offered by the Web. However, when so few of our young people are engaging beyond watching viral YouTube videos or speaking within a small realm of personal IRL friends (or believing that’s who they’re talking to) on the small stage of their individual Facebook accounts, we have a problem. Democracy isn’t served unless people use their voices.

Picture Credit: Creative Commons cartoon by @gapingvoid.

Access is one thing. Content creation intended for a public audience is entirely another.

I’m around a lot of students every day. When they’re asked who has a blog, from a room of 150-200 students, only a handful of hands go up. In a Journalism class.

What are they waiting for?

We need courses that teach young people (and everyone else) that they don’t need a university degree to have a voice. And that every voice deserves to be heard. We need to show young people how to use the simplest of tools – the mobile phones and cameras they all hold – as citizen journalists, not just for sexting (they figured that one out all on their own). We need to show them how easy it is to set up a blog, and just as importantly, how to get people to read it.

Our young people need to be encouraged to be brave, honest, and opinionated – in a public forum. We need to respect their right to speak, and engage with them when they are used.

Until then, democracy is not being served.

We’re in training for the 2010 World Speed Stacking Championships

mediamum — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 04:45:20 +0000

Moving to Denver meant we moved to the heart of Speed Stacking. We’d tried it out back in Australia, because you know, it’s freaky to watch so as soon as we saw the ad on tv we just had to give it a go.

The sport hasn’t taken off in Australia like it has in other some places. But Denver is where it originated, and so here we are, equipped with cups, timers and mats.

This sport is great for kids to build their fine motor skills, concentration and team work. I love the flexibility of it all, and the way kids can move at their own pace, and challenge themselves to beat their own times. It’s competitive without needing to beat other people (although you can of course do that). The equipment (some cups) is easily transportable, and fairly inexpensive to buy if you just want the basic set (around $15). I treated myself to a set of little thimble-like cups at the World event last year ($8).

I’m not telling you my times. It’s embarrassing. Instead, here are the current world records, including different countries. I’ll end with a video of the kids at the World Sport Stacking Championships last year. We have the cups out of the toybox now, and are in training for this year, which will be held at the Denver coliseum from April 10-11. There’s an event for adults too, especially as doubles! Anyone want to join me? I promise you can use the standard size cups…

Skiing on a budget with kids in Colorado

mediamum — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 21:37:44 +0000

If you’re looking for a great deal for skiing, then a little preparation is in order. Think it out early, and you’ll save lots. Leave it to the last minute, and you’ll be paying for it – literally. As a grad student mum with extremely limited funds, I have got hold of some great deals, and I wanted to share some resources with you.

The Colorado Gems Card. For a $10 initial outlay per card, you get a whole range of discounts and free ski days at various resorts across Colorado. The card pays for itself after the first one or two times of use – for example, at Eldora it will get the holder $10 off the price of a child’s lift ticket (normally $39 a day), and $15 off an adult ticket (normally $65 a day). (One per person, per card, per day.) The processing takes a week or two, so get it early to make good use of it.

The Colorado Passport gives your 5th grader three FREE days of skiing at over 20 resorts in Colorado, and four days for 6th graders. It’s a really great way to get some good savings across numerous resorts, from Eldora to Aspen. The Colorado Passport is FREE for 5th graders, and $99 for 6th graders. It’s well worth the investment for the 6th grader – look at how much the lift tickets would cost you at the resort you’re most likely to go to, and you’ll see what an impact having the card makes. You need to have a picture of your child to process, and online is the fastest way of doing the application. The site says it takes about 2-3 weeks for processing, but I did it two days ago, and it’s already on its way. Important: You do not have to be a resident of Colorado to get this passport – if you know your family will ski Colorado at any time this season, it’s a great one to get for your 5th or 6th grader!

The School of Shred gives your 5th and 6th graders four FREE days of skiing at all the Vail Resort properties. There is no charge for this card at all, for either grade – just take evidence of enrolment to the pass office at any of the included resorts, and they’ll sort you out with all of it done on the spot. (You can feasibly do this on the day you arrive to ski.)

Additionally, you can get discount lift tickets through local supermarkets such as King Soopers (you need to go there, not able to buy online). There the tickets this season will save you around 5-10% off the ticket office price. Not a massive saving, but everything helps and this is one option for those who find themselves considering skiing the day prior to heading up the mountain.

Ski rentals are expensive on the mountain. If you plan it well, you can rent in town for a cheaper rate. Just be prepared to pick up the afternoon of the day prior to your ski day, and return either the same day, or early the day after you shred. For the front range, Boulder Ski Deals is my rental location of choice, with rentals from just $10 a day for kids skis and even better deals for everyone as the season gets older. You can also try Crystal Ski Shop and the rentskis.com site. All these have deals for group rates, and extended rentals. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

Food and beverages are expensive (and are kind of like airplane food in quality) on the mountain, so if at all possible, take your own lunch and snacks. The best skiing seems to happen in the mornings, with everyone winding down after lunch, so don’t think you need to take a heap of food with you – a sandwich, some juice/water and snacks is fine. Remember your chapstick and sunscreen (irritating to be so prepared and then have to buy them on the mountain).

And one final note: Please, rent a helmet. You can get helmets for $10 a day anywhere (in town or on the mountain). In fact, some resorts will charge $10 for the first rental and only $8 for the subsequent ones. We’re all about saving money, but medical expenses are far more than $10. It doesn’t matter how fast you go, if you’re learning, if it’s your first time, or if you’re seasoned – if you want to keep your head and what it has in it, protect it. Helmets keep your head warm, look good, and if you don’t wear one, you’ll be the odd one out on the slopes.

Hopefully this will give you a great start to getting out with your kids on the slopes in Colorado – have fun!

Three tips for the TSA from a mum at Christmas

mediamum — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 02:29:34 +0000

I have four kids. I believe in Santa. This Christmas, we saw yet another moron decide it was a good idea to try and blow up a plane. At Christmas. Christmas is my favourite time of the year and I’ll be blasted (no pun intended) if anyone’s going to take that away from me. So I’ve decided that I’ll let the TSA in on some key things they could be doing to really make a difference at Christmas.

This is important to me. My 15 year old flies to America from Sydney today, with smoke and mirrors security that I have been unable to prepare him for. The fear level is at orange. I think they’re going to pat him down. He might just enjoy that.

But I digress.

Instead of ramping up their already failing theatre of security, the TSA should just ask mums what the best things to do to keepare, given our Santa expertise and knowledge. So here are three little suggestions from the mum who still helps Santa and has never denied his existence, even to her 18-year-old adult daughter.

1. Warning people that they are being watched. My kids know Santa’s watching them. (Sidenote: Saying the Easter bunny watching you isn’t as effective. He doesn’t have as much power. Santa’s the big guy.) Maybe if the TSA ensured all their security staff were trained in really watching people and their behaviour we’d see some real changes.

2. Keep a list – and freaking well check it. There’s nothing worse than having a list of gifts and sorting them when wrapped to find that one kid has more gifts than the Brangelina clan, and another has 3 tiny boxes – and they all came from the Dollar Store. That happens when you make a list and ignore it. The massive failures of the TSA have been associated with administration stuff-ups. The terrorist watch lists are not shared adequately, efficiently or effectively. You can do cavity searches, but getting the terrorist watch list information shared properly might be a little easier. Just sayin’.

3. Hide stuff that you don’t want them to see. For years, I’ve hidden gifts from my kids in nothing more than a few striped raffia big bags with some sheets thrown over them in the formal dining room. (We don’t live there any more, so if my kids are reading this, sucked in.) It kept the gifts a secret because I knew the kids didn’t look in obvious places. While you TSA people are obviously inspecting our belts and shoes and don’t care who knows it, you’re missing the powdered explosive taped all over the body, and the stressed out guy walking around with it taped to his genitals. If I were a TSA officer I’d rather find out about that explosive from the observation of the sweaty guy than a standard genital frisk of every passenger. Unless they’re all Mark Harmon.

So there you go, TSA. Please ensure the safety of my kid and don’t harrass the 99% of people who really don’t need it. Merry Christmas.

Thank you bus girl, happy holidays

mediamum — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:53:23 +0000

Sometimes something in your daily routine can remind you of how connected we can be.

This semester I’ve caught the bus to campus on monday afternoons, on my way to my Human Computer Interaction class. When you catch the bus on a regular basis at a regular time, you’re quite often joined by a few others who have the same schedule.

And so I was joined on Mondays by a beautiful young girl – I’m guessing she was about 10 or 11. She was always on the bus already when I got on, and rode past my stop. But every time she was there, she made me smile.

This wonderful young lady was equipped with a CD player. And big headphones. She had a penchant for the Spice Girls.

How do I know?

She sang at the top of her lungs, along with the CD that nobody else could hear. Some people pretended not to hear her. Others grinned and went on with their newspapers. But most people really enjoyed listening to this singing that had absolutely no tune, and no back beat to drum out the bum notes. Everyone was grinning. With her, not at her.

On my last Monday of class, our nightingale was there. And this time the bus driver (who wasn’t the same person every time), kept turning his head to look at the young girl. I wasn’t sure if he was going to ask her to stop – she was really making quite a bit of noise. I couldn’t read his expression when he turned his head.

But after a couple of miles, he turned, looked at her, and began to click his fingers along with the beat.

We couldn’t hear the same music as the girl. But we all left the bus with her song, and were reminded to feel free in finding our own.

Happy Holidays.

Disney on Ice, Worlds of Fantasy

mediamum — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 23:11:01 +0000

Disney really has wrapped up every part of entertainment. Everywhere, the Disney organization has a presence. Even in this horrid economy, Disney reported an 18% increase in profit for the fourth quarter this year. The brand resonance of Disney is nothing short of amazing. Older women remember their favorite Disney princess, and still buy pyjamas, t-shirts and lots of other merchandise.

Feld Family Entertainment invited Harry, Charlie and I to see Worlds of Fantasy last Friday. The show was very well done, and Charlie’s favorite part was the segments of the story of The Lion King.I was fascinated by Pumba, who skated on all four skates. I couldn’t work out how the person in the suit was doing it. Charlie didn’t care about the technicalities, he just loved the images, especially of the interpretations of the animals – gazelles, wilderbeasts, lions, birds… all on skates.

The show is probably best suited to the under-10 age group, although we all enjoyed ourselves. The venue was packed, and there were so many little Disney Princesses all dressed up everywhere it was like the Royal Ball! They were incredibly cute. The show moves to Denver Coliseum from 11th to the 13th of December, and if you use the code MOM when booking through Ticketmaster, you can get four tickets for $44 for Monday-Friday matinee shows (a much better idea for little ones), and $4 off Friday night and weekend shows.

The Startup Kid

mediamum — Fri, 22 May 2009 22:41:56 +0000

Running a startup isn’t easy on anyone.

The glorious trails of successful entrepreneurs are littered with the scars of broken relationships and bitter resentment of cold dinners and missed birthday parties.

It takes a special kind of relationship to weather the storms of startup life.

At Darling Harbour, Sydney.

It takes a special kind of kid too. A kid who will understand that daddy or mummy can’t make it to every school function. That we can’t afford summer camp.

It takes a special kid who will say okay through his tears as he’s torn from his Australian home, his dogs, his school friends, because he knows that what we’re working on isn’t a normal sort of job like his friends’ parents have.

This week we have begun graduation celebrations for Harry as he completes year 5. I got to make a dedication to him the other day at school, as did all the other parents in his class to their kids.In typical startup style, I did this one alone because Jed’s in Silicon Valley at the moment. The Kleenex was really getting passed around that circle.

Why so much Kleenex? It was his teacher’s fault really. She got us to close our eyes and think of when we were having our child, their infancy, and years in elementary school. And then open our eyes and take our turns to speak from the heart to our child in front of everyone (you could pass if you wanted to, but nobody did – this is Boulder, after all ).

Now, I cry at the drop of a hat. I can’t walk into that darned school without automatically tearing up it seems (sigh). But for this dedication, while others were a bit of a mess, I hardly cried at all.

And while it surprised me at the time, I know why.

Harry is an incredible kid. He was made for the startup life. I won’t be a bit surprised if he ends up living it himself. (Good grief, I hope he scores a partner as well as his dad did ). Harry’s adaptability is remarkable. Many kids would have resented the move to the US, and that would have been understandable. Not Harry, even though he misses Australia very much.

Harry's idea of cleaning up his room

He’s no angel though. He has a cheeky side and he’s a daredevil. I was told of his decision to ride a waterfall while hiking, stopping just short of a massive drop – nearly giving everyone watching a heart attack. And we will never forget him barrelling down Eldora mountain on a snowboard without a single turn and nearly hitting a bus in the car park – grinning afterwards.

Everyone who knows us as a family will agree that Harry is the one who most wears his heart on his sleeve. He hugs everyone. Repeatedly.

He is honest and open. But he can’t sleep if he’s feeling bad about something – he has to get up and talk it through. And he has a strength of character and self-belief which overcomes every obstacle. He’s never said “I’ve had enough.” He just keeps going. It’s that tenacity that is so inspiring and awesome.

And I can’t cry about that. I can’t cry about changes at all – for Harry the world is his oyster, and he’s loving the adventure. He doesn’t care that much about stuff he hasn’t accomplished yet – he’s just going to keep trying. And he’s not concerned about being the best at everything. He just wants to give it a go.

Last week his performance on drums at the big 5th grade concert that combined musicians from 3 schools was incredible. He was on time with every beat. He enjoyed it. And he’s such an individual, he wore his lucky hat too

I can’t wait to see what he tries his hand at, and surprises us with, in Middle School. They’re gonna be lucky to have him. As are we.

Congratulations, Harry. We’re so proud of you, and grateful for all you give back to us every single day.

Talking with your teens about sexting

mediamum — Wed, 20 May 2009 22:13:55 +0000

What to do about (drum roll) sexting? Approaching the topic of sexting in a way that best meets a receptive outcome from your teenager is paramount. And grabbing their mobile phone to go through every message is not generally going to get a positive response. Unless…

Did you originally say to your teen “Hey, I’m gonna go through your phone occasionally to check up on you?” If you did, then it’s reasonable that you would act on the promise. But if you provided the phone to the teen without any indication you’d be doing it, then I believe your teen will think you’re being unreasonable. And how about if the teen bought the phone with their own money?

Awkward.

We all want to raise a kid who is responsible, independent, and who cares for their own, and others’ well being. While they’re little you can best do that by telling them how to act, showing them how it’s done (by demonstrating it yourself) and monitoring them as you encourage them to do the same.

When they’re teens, it’s time to let them start doing that on their own. In my opinion, in order for teens to demonstrate their own responsibility and integrity, they need to have the opportunity to do it. That’s hard to do when the media’s telling you scary stories about sexting. You need to put something in place, but still work from the standpoint that you trust your teen (if you do and want to continue to).

That’s hard to do, I get that. And every parenting situation is different, I get that too. But it’s apparent this is something many people are struggling with. So here are a few idea-starters to get you thinking about a more positive way of approaching the topic with your teenager.

1. Have a contract.

With every piece of technology there is an inherent basis of responsible use. Whether that’s with the equipment itself (such as don’t throw the phone around) or with the manner in which it’s used (such as don’t send 500 messages a day, and watch your language). A great way of demonstrating you mean what you say is through having a contract dealing with both of these areas. You could create one yourself, or ask the family to contribute to what they think should be in it. And then everyone who uses the equipment gets a copy to sign. Let me be clear – this contract is something everyone adheres to. It’s not just for the kids. You don’t get to throw your phone around and expect them not to. You have to follow through. Not only that, but the contracts, when signed, should be displayed in the person’s regular space at home as a subtle reminder.

You might think this is a little ‘out there’ – but when you think it through, you’ll see that it’s a transparent way of linking to all that stuff you taught your kids when they were younger. It just gives them some control and treats them as a more independent, free-thinking person. And hey, you need to make it clear they don’t have to sign the contract. It’s optional. And so is the phone.

Then if someone breaks the contract with any kind of irresponsible use, it’s easier to demonstrate why there’s a problem. It gives you a foundation to work from that everyone understands.

2. Demonstrate how things live forever online

Having a great relationship with your teen doesn’t mean you unequivocally know they’re going to do the right thing all the time (you can’t). It does mean that you’re prepared to let go a little and trust that they want to be responsible, and will be pretty likely to be, even without you standing behind them with a rolling pin (tempting though it might be). Also, let’s assume that your teens can make a logical progression of thought and have interest in their own well being. With all that in place, this becomes a no-brainer. (As much as a no-brainer and teens can be, anyway. )

Have a chat and say you’ve read stuff about sexting (read up a bit first – nothing loses respect more than not knowing what you’re talking about). Say you get it. This stuff can be fun, and it’s shared only between people you trust. There’s never any idea that something bad will happen or that someone’s going to be mean.

But people get angry. People fight. Have you ever slammed a door or said something nasty to someone you cared about? No matter how much you want to take it back, and apologise, it still got said. But words tend to ease with time. Images and text, however, don’t.

Stuff lives forever online.

Let’s say someone gets angry and posts a compromising picture somewhere online. They can regret it and take it down, but it’s still up there in search engines.

Try two projects:

a. Put a picture of something that is personal, but that you’re comfortable with online somewhere. Leave it there for a few days, then take it down.

Then search for it. Use everything you like. Treat it like it’s a treasure hunt. Treat it like you’re a journalist and you’re writing a story about that picture. What kind of lengths will you go through to find it? How hard is it? Then once you’ve found it, how easy is it to then forward it to every person you know?

b. Think of all the people you know who have a web-based email account. (A lot, right?) Then think of how many contacts they’d have in that account. (Again, a lot. Hundreds each, possibly.) In fact, you’ve probably got a web-based email account yourself. Go to www.spokeo.com (or a similar site). Using your mail account you can sign up and find out what everyone in your address book has posted across lots of different social media sites.

Think of when you try and apply for a job. This is better than Facebook for a human resources person. And it lives forever. Look yourself up. What would a human resources rep think of you right now?

By working with your teenager you’re showing them you trust them to act as responsibly as they can. You’re also giving them the opportunity to initiate conversations, to take control and showing them why it’s important.

I’ll finish by reiterating that this situation is different for every family, and I totally understand that. That said, I believe this is just one, positive way of approaching a very delicate subject, and it could bring you closer together rather than threaten your relationship. Sailing the tumultuous ocean of teenage parenting is challenging. I’d like to ride this wave with our teens instead of against them.

Climbing with Harry

mediamum — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 17:58:39 +0000

This week we went indoor rock climbing with a friend of mine who took time out to show us how it’s done (thanks!). While I stupidly forgot about my fear of heights (remembered when I looked down from about 8 feet up), and Charlie decided it hurt his hands and feet too much at just one foot up, Harry proved once again that he’ll give almost anything a go. Here he is having a go at the 30 foot wall!

[youtube=http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=btqhQjFVNQ4]

Our visit to Vail

mediamum — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 21:52:39 +0000

Yesterday we took a road trip to Vail. It’s just two hours away. I found a great sledding area in Vail courtesy of a website which lets you locate good sledding runs (free) in your neighbourhood. We entered the address in the GPS, and off we went!

The day cost us nothing apart from the car’s petrol and wonderful pizza we ate for dinner. We’ve discovered the following:

a. I need snow pants. Now. Because when I have a frozen wet bum I get grumpy.

b. Charlie is a daredevil on the flexi-sled. He’s worked out that he needs to keep his whole body off the ground and entirely on the sled for the best run and for speed. He flies and cares little about danger… or direction.

c. Harry seems to be a natural snowboarder. He doesn’t even own a skateboard, but managed to stay upright for a long way on his new snowboard. His balance is amazing and he just loves it.

d. Vail is spectacular. We are definitely going back, and will probably make it at least an overnight trip. The whole place is like a gingerbread storybook land. You can see a little in my video![youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbvpgLfHMuY]

Hiking with Harry

mediamum — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 17:13:10 +0000

Harry loves to hike through the Rocky Mountains. There are more trails around here than you can poke a … hiking staff at. (Sorry.)

Harry’s decided to do a series of Hiking with Harry videos, which will show everyone a little bit of what new things he’s experiencing in hiking in a completely different environment. This is his first one, where he is seeing his first ever frozen lake. The quality of the video and editing limits this talented young man because it’s done by his mum! But I’ll get better, I promise!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoXjCFYMt-I]