Mediamum » women

The invisible Women in Tech

mediamum — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 14:22:45 +0000

I’m pretty tired of the women in tech ‘debate’. Why? Because I think we fail to appreciate how women are demonstrating their tech involvement in a space they are creating themselves. Women are in tech, in huge numbers – they’re just not seen unless they are in traditional tech roles that involve a cubicle and 9-5 work day, and that shows how limited the debate really is. Let me explain.

I’m proudly a woman in tech. I am a researcher, a PhD student in the ATLAS Institute at CU. I hold an RA appointment in the Dept of Computer Science’s Project EPIC (Empowering People in Crisis), which looks at how social media tools can empower all stakeholders in crises such as natural disasters. I am absolutely behind every woman in a tech field, we need all of them.

I’m also a mum blogger. I own and respect the tag. And that makes me a woman in tech in another sense.

Telling stories is something women are fantastic at. And it’s in the telling stories space where you’re going to find some incredibly tech-savvy women, all demonstrating their expertise. In fact, that’s where a massive number of the women are in tech.

You might look down your nose on ‘moms who blog’. Many, many people do (including some – many – moms who blog). But let me tell you, over the last few months, even though I’m engaged with mom bloggers every day, I’ve been humbled by the number of moms who have extremely good technical, real computing know-how, building not only the technologies but also the brands and relationships of their media enterprises. An enterprise that might begin with a blog, but expands to video and podcast content as well. They are learning what makes great businesses in the tech domain while they have the rubber to the road and are doing it all themselves. These are women with training in some technical areas, either professional training or self-taught. They are networked and engaged. They are entrepreneurial – it takes real guts to create content, put a brand on it and push it out there. And they are accomplished. (Yeah, they are.)

Recently, I was invited and became a member of a local group of social-media-savvy moms. Not all are bloggers, but all are switched on, professional, creative and so darned impressively tech knowledgeable, I’m learning every day from them. (Yes I am. I have so much to learn.)

Most people choose to forget that moms who blog usually had some kind of professional or paid position before becoming mothers. And they were great at that job. So why is it so hard to believe that just because a woman has children she loses her professionalism? Sure, many women become bloggers as a hobby, but most look for something more pretty quickly. They’re surrounded by other successful women who are making something of their blogs, or who would love it if that opportunity arose (it’s there, you just have to embrace it). Nobody will retire on the money they make, but many find a continued realisation of their professional value and worth through their blog.

Yes, dear friend, mom bloggers are women in tech. They might not be in the spaces you speak of, nor do they fit your picture of a power woman in a cubicle blending in with the guys in a technical space that somehow, for some limited reason, you think is valuable. But there are a stack of accomplished women building brilliant companies, brands, dare I call them – startups (yep, I said it). They have networks, and collective intelligence like nothing I’ve ever seen before.

They’re teaching each other. They understand what they’re doing. And if you’re not watching, they’ll use it to take you on.

What would you do… if you knew about an affair?

mediamum — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 04:48:36 +0000

If you knew your friend’s husband was having an affair? Who would you tell? Why (aka how I justify this to myself)?

Maybe you wouldn’t say anything at all. Perhaps it’s easier to stick your fingers in your ears and just pretend it will go away. I think that’s a perfectly understandable response when your friend’s future and happiness is at stake. Maybe your decision will be clouded by the length of time, or the intensity of the affair. Or whether you think your friend is oblivious – or aware of it.

Let’s try another one:

What if your female friend began an affair with a guy you know is married?

And then what if that female friend continued that affair for years, while the married guy had a child with his wife, etc?

And then… what if your female friend had a baby to this guy as well… and the guy’s wife is oblivious to it all (or maybe she isn’t – you don’t really know)? And your friend says it’s all fine because she’s going to raise the child as a single mother anyway. She has no intention of ever breaking her ‘relationship’ off.

Do you say something? How do your personal experience, beliefs and values impact on your decision when you’re challenged by the friend factor?

Sometimes we like to think that this is something we’d only ever come across in Dear Abby or some Postsecret postcard because we just don’t know women who would do such a thing. Women who are so incredibly (almost unbelievably) selfish that the feelings and entire future of others just don’t play into their decisions.

Women who do this kind of thing are literally murdering the solidarity of women everywhere. I am no longer friends with a woman who is doing this. Because I cut the tie, and I’m glad I did. Not because it makes me feel noble (I am far from that), but because I’m saving all concerned in this – including myself. I’m the one who would pick up the phone and make this house of cards come down. I would dob it all in, and I would hate doing it. Something tells me it’s the right thing to do.

But I’m not sure it really is. Does calling it out make the situation better? So I just ran. Closed it (and more importantly, the woman friend concerned) out, so that it no longer confronted me. But you know what? It kind of still does confront me because this reeks of the disregard women have for each other and I am affected by that just the same way everyone else is.

Was this the ‘easy escape’ or was it drawing a line in the sand? Both? Neither? You choose.

What would you do if you discovered a good friend of yours was doing this?

Why breastfeeding is like abortion for feminism

mediamum — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 01:07:56 +0000

Shhh.

Don’t talk about it. It’s not polite.

But make sure you know what you think about it. And be prepared to fight for it, even if you are really not talking about it because it’s not polite.

Try not to judge people for their views (that they’re not talking about because they’re too polite), but whisper about their views and about them… and judge them privately in your own sphere, even though it’s kind of impolite. It’s okay, because it’s a moral thing.

Forget religion and politics. For women, breastfeeding and abortion are the topics that align, define and alienate us. They have become moral panics. They are black and white… and conditional.

“She got raped. She’s not married. She’s too poor. She hasn’t got a good supply. She needs to go back to work. She’s happily married. She’s a stay at home mom. She should be “better educated.” The baby would have been healthy. She’s selfish. She’s sacrificing herself. There’s really no excuse. She doesn’t need an excuse.”

Photo credit: Flickr creative commons, Nationaal Archief

You’re a nazi if you breastfeed. You’re a babykiller if you have an abortion. If you formula feed you’re stupid. If you are pro-life you take away women’s control of their bodies.

No wonder the arguments are so passionate. It’s confusing.

Worse, you can’t be a feminist if you do anything that could be considered by either side as “anti-female.” Boobs out or boobs in. Womb used or unused. Feminists are so divided that no matter what, by some reckoning you’re out of the “club.”

The reason why feminism has fallen apart is because women have become judgmental of each other. We are fragmented. We are fighting.

I fear that because of the ferocity of second wave feminism as well as the 30-year-old Susan Faludi Backlash folklore, we don’t want to understand each other. We are fearful our views and will be harshly judged by the very same women we desperately want to be connected to.

We don’t like to talk about it because it’s impolite. And when we do, we tear each other apart instead of trying to really understand the other point of view. We know we won’t agree. But now we won’t listen either. There is no “live and let live” because it’s become a moral panic.

Second wave feminism believed the bottle and formula were key to being released from the home and getting into the boardroom. Over time, the practice of breastfeeding is being reclaimed as a powerful feministic province. Today, feminism and breastfeeding are aligned. But the stigma and bruises of the battle are still tender.

I’m hearing that you can’t be pro-life and be a feminist. To many, pro-life is equal to anti-woman. I think it’s a shame.

Photo credit: Flickr creative commons, State Library of Qld.

Feminism has achieved so much, but we have lost a lot along the way. The battles of feminism and those of abortion and breastfeeding are tainted with women trying to validate and define their own identities and worth. In the 21st Century, can we not find some level ground of respect? Wouldn’t treating other women with respect, who hold opposite viewpoints, demonstrate an accomplishment for feminism?

It's time to kill Lynette, the post-feminist failure.

mediamum — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:37:01 +0000

I was wondering which of the Desperate Housewives I am. I don’t have a gardener, we’re not rich, my kids are not dysfunctional, I’m not blonde in real estate and I’m not pretty and stupid. I guess some would say Lynette is the closest to me, because she has billions of children and was a great worker outside the home. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I adore that I’m a mum of four children. Each of my kids is incredible and I’ve learned so much about myself and life’s purpose with having each othem around. I’ve been a parent for 17 and a half years now. That’s a really long time – nearly half my life. when I had my first child, I was about 10 years younger than any of the other mums in the parenting groups, and I was pretty much a fish out of water. But even though it was incredibly challenging, I did it, and did it really well.

I also worked outside the house. Because I wanted to. And that fantastic juggling act was about the most impressive thing I’ve ever done. It’s not about being a ‘superwoman’, it’s about being an individual. Someone who wants to try to do as much as possible and doesn’t want to make “choices” that the women’s movement and society says you should.

I gave birth to both my second child and my first magazine for ACP in the same year, without a nanny or cleaner or whatever. How did that work? I pitched a plan to my publisher, Nick Chan, that I would telecommute (the first ever at ACP) and guaranteed him that he would get the best editor for the job if he appointed me. Even though someone else wanted the job (who was also female, but not pregnant at the time), he gave it to me. Some would congratulate Nick for that – what a forward thinking guy he is. I find that pretty condescending and basically offensive to both Nick and me. I know Nick is an incredible professional and he appointed the person who was going to do the best job, all things considered. It was a business decision, not a ‘socially courageous’ one. He appointed me because I freaking well rock.

How did he know that?

I had put together an 8-page sample of what the magazine would look like, gathered a small team of potential staff, and done a budget. I made commitments to him about how the magazine would run and undertook my own market research with that team of potential staff. I approached it professionally.

And I followed through.

Far from the ‘easy’ road, it’s had its challenges. My kids have grown up in a variety of different caregiving arrangements over the years, but never fulltime 8-6pm every day because that’s never been what I wanted to have happen with them. I’ve paid more than I should have had to for childcare because I wanted a particular type, place, time. I have even taken time out from full-time employment a few times because I’ve wanted to take a bit of a break. But I’ve always ended up back in the workforce, in jobs I’ve loved.

I am the sort of person who looks for reasons how to make things work, not reasons why they can’t. I don’t care about social norms, about what’s ‘acceptable’. I’m not post-feminist. I’m not Lynette from Desperate Housewives. I’m not full of aching resentment and confusion about what my role is. I’m loving my life. I mix it up.

I’m sick of people wanting to do one of two things: first, make me some poster girl for women everywhere. While I appreciate you may admire my ability on some levels and I admire women too, I think it’s about taking responsibility for yourself and making things happen for you. Don’t point to me as an ‘example’. You should do whatever you want, and feel empowered to do it. If you don’t feel empowered, then get to the point where you do. It’s YOUR responsibility to find your motivation. I don’t look elsewhere for empowerment, but I do for affirmation. I find affirmation in women who are doing those little tough things that don’t get recognised. I will never forget dropping my kids at daycare at 8am, meeting up with another mum doing the same; however she was actually a shift worker who had started work at 4am, and was on a break from work. She had picked her child up from one carer to take him to the other one at 8am. She was a woman who needed to do something, adored her family and did what it took to make it work.

In both our cases it wasn’t going to last forever. It probably wasn’t going to last even 12 months. Kids grow up, jobs change. But for a period of time you sit up and say this is how it needs to be, and I’m going to make it happen. Don’t look to the spouse, the grandparents, whomever to ‘help out’. If you want it to go a certain way, then you find a way to make it happen.

Secondly, I don’t like people who look at what I do and then find either excuses as to why it is easier for me (oh you must have lots of help at home), or even evidence about why I’m not succeeding as well as I should be (oh you must be a bad mother, or you’re cutting corners). None of that is true – my kids are not only fantastic, well adjusted people, they have the benefit of seeing their mum achieve some pretty amazing stuff while they’re there to share it with me. The boys recognise that women can do anything, at any stage of their lives. And my daughter, at 17, is recognising that she can make choices that suit her in life, not some social norm.

Unlike the women’s movement of the 80s, I don’t tell my daughter she can have choices. I want to be a mum who lives her choices – just as any individual can, male or female. I want her to see that working inside the home is just as important as outside, and women can and should be empowered to feel fulfilled doing whatever it is they choose to do, in whatever mix. And that there is a balance that can be achieved, and that balance is different for everyone. And she has to be personally empowered to make a balance for herself. She doesn’t have to thank anyone other than herself for taking it on and making it happen.

Take control. Make your own way. Stop finding excuses for whatever is on the backburner. Find reasons to cook it all up now. Empower yourself and be your own inspiration. Get rid of Lynette.